Why Month Four of Postpartum can Feel Harder

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Everyone warns about the first few weeks with a newborn. You’ve got the things like sleepless nights, the sore everything (literally everything), the emotional rollercoaster, using the toilet is hard, you have to be on standby for the baby, there’s more than enough health no-nos to deal with, too. And yes, those weeks are brutal. Like, without a doubt, they absolutely are!

But have you ever noticed it’s only up to the fourth trimester, only up to 12 weeks, where moms get a lot of love and attention, but that's that? Like, is there a fifth trimester? Sixth? Just generally speaking here, month four really does hit the hardest. Yeah, the baby’s not a fragile little potato anymore, people assume you’ve got it together, and yet you’re over there wondering why you feel more wrung out now than you did in the trenches of the newborn stage.

So, what’s the deal here?

The Support Crew has Left

In the beginning, people swarm you with casseroles and “just checking in” texts. By month four? Well, it’s like it’s total crickets now. Everyone thinks the hard part is over, so they stop showing up. 

Also, the baby isn’t as tiny, and they don’t have that newborn smell, so the charm there is gone, too. Meanwhile, you’re still tired, still healing, and now doing it without the freezer meals and constant check-ins. It would still be nice to have that encouragement from everyone, right? Where’d it go?

Your Body’s Still Not Back to You

Is the six-week check “all clear” from the doctor or midwife? Well, that’s nice to hear, but it doesn’t exactly mean you’re back to you. No, really, just because you’re cleared for activity doesn’t mean your body’s bounced back. Hormones are still out of whack, your core might feel like jelly, and your back’s probably screaming from all the rocking, bouncing, and lugging around a baby carrier that feels heavier every day. 

Oh yeah, and go ahead and add in pressure from society to “look like yourself again,” and it’s enough to make anyone want to throw every pair of jeans in the trash. It’s like at first you get this “pass” and then, it’s like this “pass’ gets taken away. Not literally, of course, but it just feels like it. 

There’s Still a Major Mental Load 

Month four is when the novelty of “new baby life” wears off and the daily grind kicks in. Also, for most moms, maternity leave has already been over, or it’s just about to end for you. Of course, you can’t forget everything you need to get done on a daily basis, like the feedings, appointments, laundry, 

Keeping the house semi-standing, it’s all on repeat (be it daily or weekly). Might as well say goodbye to hobbies, too. Plus, now you’re juggling returning to work or figuring out childcare, while still trying to remember what it’s like to feel like a person and not just a feeding machine.

 A lot of moms get postpartum depression, and yes, often it’s due to hormones, but at the same time, you need to keep in mind that it’s not only due to that; your whole life is shifting. 

Some moms will start taking SSRIs that are recommended to them, others are recommended holistic care and alternative therapeutic treatments, which can sometimes help if you get an approved treatment card (granted, you shouldn’t be breastfeeding with certain treatments). But keep in mind that, yeah, the mental load can get a lot worse.

It’s Best to Look Beyond the Basics

By this point, it’s normal to start looking for more than just pep talks. Like what was mentioned above, you might need to look into different treatments, but don’t try and make yourself “tough it out”. Seriosuly, don’t do that to yourself.