Explaining Your Divorce To Your Kids: 3 Things To Keep In Mind

Pexels Image - CC0 Licence

 Divorce is rarely an easy thing for a child to go through. It’s hard enough for the two adults involved who are making all of the decisions! It’s an emotional, heart breaking, and frankly confusing time for everyone - even if you feel positive about your decision. 

But when it comes to your kids, especially, there needs to be a bit more grace and understanding in the way you talk to them. Because you’re going to have to sit down and explain what’s going on, as soon as possible, and you need to do so with as much empathy and love as you can. 

And if your kids don’t quite give you the response you expected from them, it might knock you for six and make the whole conversation feel like much more of an ordeal. 

As such, here’s what to keep in mind when you’re explaining separation and divorce to your children, whether you’re doing so together or one on one.

They Might Think They’ve Done Something Wrong

Some kids hear that their parents are splitting up and internalize that information. They start to believe they must have had something to do with it, as their mom and dad wouldn’t just walk away otherwise. 

And even if you reassure them otherwise, the idea might get stuck in their mind. Indeed, if you’ve had arguments with your partner within earshot of the kids (often unknowingly), they might end up believing that the worries you have about childcare, custody, or maintenance are even evidence for this.

They Might Not Understand Your Custody Arrangement

It’s difficult to decide custody on the fly, and you also don’t want to walk into a conversation about separation with your children when you’re not sure what your future custody actually looks like. 

So first off, make sure you’ve already had this talk and have come to some kind of proper agreement with your ex. Only then should you try to talk to the kids about what’s going on, as you’ll be much better prepared to give them proper answers.

But even then, they might not understand why this custody arrangement exists - or what it even really means. Younger children under the age of 10 are most likely to have difficulty with the concept, but even tweens and teens may find it trouble. 

They Might Not Communicate Emotions Well

They’re a child, and children don’t tend to have the right language for situations like this. Because of that, they may act out, throw a tantrum, or simply cry and refuse to speak. 

Expect anything and everything from your child right now, as they are expressing their feelings without really knowing what to do with them. 

And remember, it may even cause a long-term change in the way they act, so it’s important to understand this now so you can talk about it later.

Explaining your divorce is likely to be emotional and confusing, so try to understand what your child may be feeling now.